Not Alone
/On February 19, 2016, our lives changed forever! Before that date, we were happily anticipating the arrival of Arbor Marie Langlois. I got the call at 6:45 a.m. from Adrien telling me they had lost Arbor. An unbelievable conversation and the next minutes, days, weeks, months have resonated unbelief, grieving and unimaginable sadness. Norm & I flew down to Charlotte in shock and disbelief. Adrien is our son, but Kristin is our daughter. She is the woman /soul mate Adrien fell in love with, pursued, and made his partner for life! We have loved her as our own daughter since Adrien introduced her to us 4 years ago! Mothers and Fathers spend their whole lives protecting their children. We couldn’t protect them from experiencing this tragedy. How does a family survive such a loss as Arbor? How do we support our son and daughter through the days to come?
We were so blessed to have been able to hold Arbor and say goodbye to her, but it was all too brief. Where do we go after this? As we have traveled through Arbor’s arrival, departure, service and lived through the memories, I can’t help but think of how unfair it has all been. I am angry! I am angry for the life that should have been and for the joy our families should have shared! I am angry that Adrien and Kristin have to survive this experience. I know we needed to show support and love to Adrien and Kristin who were suffering so much more than we were. It was so hard to know what was being supportive and what was being overbearing. It’s still hard to know that. I’m a worrier by nature and when something is wrong with my children, I go into overdrive. I know that Adrien and Kristin are not alone in their grief, but at so many moments it feels like they really are. We have tried, but they need to find their own way. As much as we love them both, we cannot truly appreciate their grief and sorrow.
As Arbor’s grandparents, we think of the wonderful little girl Arbor would have been and how much she would have been loved by her parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles. She is in our hearts forever! I look at the past 6 months and look for some peace and acceptance, but it’s hard to find. Just when I feel that it's better, all of the sadness comes back. The family has been fractured! We look for a way to support Adrien and Kristin and also try to find a way to enjoy the happy moments in our family without hurting Adrien and Kristin or excluding them. A very hard task as we love them both so much and appreciate their sorrow even though we have happiness occurring. We move on, support each other, but there’s a missing person-Arbor!! We all approach life thinking of the future and the good events that will occur, but missing Arbor overshadows everything! They say time heals. I know that is true, but it’s hard to accept as time has passed and we haven’t found our “new” normal. That is what we’re looking for – the “new” normal. I miss Arbor every day and wish she is here with us. She is our angel in heaven and I need to believe that she is sending so much love to her parents. I look forward to the future and need to believe that Arbor will be blessed with a brother or sister! I look forward to her parents finding solace in knowing that Arbor will be with us forever and never forgotten.
We all feel like we’re alone in our grief, but we’re not! Our families love, admire and support Adrien and Kristin and hope for all good things to come in the future. I hope they know that they will never abandon them! Adrien, Kristin and Arbor are surrounded with love by grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins and friends. I forever believe that God is good and the future will bring us peace for our loss and joy in this future!! As has been said before, Adrien and Kristin are not alone!
Written by Olga Langlois, Arbor's Nana